Managing fear and anxiety. Fear Management: How to Learn It

Psychology of emotions: feelings under control Dubravin Dan

Training No. 3. Methods for managing FEAR, or How to develop courage?

Fear kills the mind. Fear is a small death that brings oblivion. I face my fear, I will let it take over me and pass through me, I will turn around and look at the path of fear. Where fear has gone, there will be nothing left. Where the fear has passed, only I will remain.

Frank Gerber

Do you think life is possible without this emotion?

I declare with full responsibility that without fear, there would be no human being as a biological species in principle. Fear is one of the seven basic emotions, it performs a preserving function and relies on the instinct of self-preservation.

Another question is when this fear begins to dominate other emotions, prevents you from doing things and generally enjoying life. At this moment, it is no longer you, but your fears that are the full masters of life.

If you look in a medical directory, you can find about 500 varieties of phobias that are diagnosed as mental disorders. At the heart of all types of fear is the fear of death.

Phobias are fears that are persistent and not based on common sense. According to various sources, about 9% of the world's population over 18 suffer from various phobias.

The source of the main fears and fears originates in childhood. At birth, we are simply fearless supermen, albeit with vulnerable bodies and undeveloped brains. As children, we are highly influenced, our confidence is low, and self-esteem relies on the opinions of older people. The period of up to seven years is the most important for the formation of beliefs with which we will have to live then all our lives. This is where the foundation of fear is laid.

Fear Management

In 1949, Egas Munis received the Nobel Prize for his work in the field of physiology and medicine related to lobotomy. He found that removing the prefrontal lobe of the brain deprives a person of fear. However, this share has a special function: it helps us to represent possible options development of events. This discovery made it possible to realize that our fears are caused by the ability to mentally go into the future. Because of this, we anticipate possible dangers and eventually realize that one day we will die. From this, Egas Munes concluded that ... not thinking about the future means reducing your anxiety.

Even when we are not afraid, we may be haunted by the expectation of a possible threat, which also causes fear. And getting out of this vicious circle is not so easy. This is the reason why most people live as if they will never die, and die as if they never lived.

CAREFULLY! Below is a list of emotional triggers that can undermine your sense of inner security.

1. The world is full of dangers.

2. People are evil and dangerous.

3. People want to hurt and harm me.

4. People want to use me for their own purposes.

5. If I'm not on guard all the time, people will be able to use me and hurt me.

6. I can't defend myself.

7. I can't take care of myself.

8. I can't resist other people's pressure on me.

9. I'm afraid to say no.

10. I always expect something terrible to happen to me.

Did you find something of your own? If yes, do not rush to justify yourself. Be patient a little more, until the final questions at the end of this training.

Joke: Every normal person should have fear from childhood. Otherwise, psychologists and priests will be left without work.

Only by meeting fear face to face can it be overcome. In all other cases, fear is the winner. Our task is to subjugate fear and put it at the service of our goals. Admitting your fear is not a weakness. It is the courage to face yourself. I believe that the fear of admitting and voicing our fear is one of the reasons that we drive it to a subconscious level.

Feeling of inner security

The feeling of security comes mainly from within. Unfortunately, most people believe that security is something external. For a long time, we all thought that material aspects were synonymous with security - lots of money, permanent reliable work, stable relationships, etc.

Your real security is the unshakable knowledge that no matter what happens, you yourself have everything you need to achieve everything you want and to transform the undesirable for the better, taking into account all your true needs. As a result, you always maintain confidence and trust, because you know that there is always a solution to everything.

Liz Burbo

In order to learn to cope with fear, it is not at all necessary to deeply analyze its cause. This will make the situation even worse. On the contrary, it is necessary to focus on the polar feeling, namely the development of courage. Fear and courage are reactions that a person can and should control. Courage is a skill like any other. It can be developed by systematically working on your fears and using special technician to increase courage.

My experience. I have done several trainings on fear management. And every time I saw the same scenario. Adult uncles and aunts carry childish fears inside them. A method I often use is body work. The fact is that all fears settle in our body in the form of bodily clamps. When we find these clamps and knead them with the help of special exercises, various pictures from childhood pop up in our minds. Fear needs to be visualized, described how it looks, how it is attached. The next step is to let go of that fear. One of the participants said goodbye to the fear of the crowd. To do this, right at the training, we created a crowd of people for him, each of whom pronounced his name. This group metaphor helped him to see himself as an integral part of society, to accept his commonality with people and the value of contact.

Courage Development Technology

Step #1 Accept your fear. We need to accept the idea that fear is a natural reaction to a new or potentially dangerous action. Say to yourself: “Yes, I’m scared now!” In this way, you can take your fear under primary control and stop its development.

Joke: As a child, I was afraid of the dark. Now, when I see my electricity bill, I am afraid of the light.

Step #2 Ask yourself three questions:

1. Why is this fear harmful to me?

2. How is this fear useful for me?

3. What will be my reward if I overcome this fear?

Step #3: Make the decision to overcome your fear. Where there is confidence and determination, fear recedes. You need to know exactly why you need to overcome your fear.

Step #4: Practice your courage. First, write down on a piece of paper everything that you are afraid of.

Divide these fears into three categories: strong, medium, weak.

Determine which fears on this list are good for you and which are bad.

Start by overcoming weak and harmful fears. Useful ones do not need to be touched, we need them for survival.

Face your weak fears every day. Track this feeling in yourself and take action to overcome it. Even a small promotion is already a victory!

After overcoming the fear, thank yourself for this victory.

Gradually, as in the gym, by increasing the weight of the shells, you will learn to overcome stronger and more harmful fears. As a result of such work, you develop inner courage and a sense of emotional security. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is trust in the world around you in a positive intention towards yourself.

Summing up

1. Which of the suggested emotional triggers for fear are yours?

2. What function does fear play in your life?

3. What limitations of fear have you encountered?

4. What might be stopping you from developing courage?

5. What will help you develop courage?

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Each person has different phobias, but the most common is an unreasonable fear. And this applies to successful, prosperous and adequate individuals. People are afraid of something or someone for no apparent reason. Animals have no such problem - they experience fear only when there is a direct reason for this. They see the danger, adrenaline begins to stand out, the body mobilizes. In this regard, many are interested in the question of how to independently learn to manage fears so that they do not have power over us?

Mechanisms in the human body that trigger these processes

We have a very highly developed imagination, which directly affects the ability to experience fear when an aggressor or a dangerous situation is not around. And it doesn’t matter what we are afraid of - heights, spiders, creditors, seem ridiculous, embarrass ourselves in front of friends, and so on.

The main mistake that the vast majority make is to try to run away and hide from fears. This is how the self-preservation system is built and nothing can be done about it. From ancient times, when danger appeared, a person chose to flee or to resist the situation. "Fight or flight" was the way to act in an emergency.

In a cultural society, everything is twisted, so a person tries to distance himself from fear through alcohol, drugs, sedative pills, sex, and so on. But in fact, it does not disappear, but only intensifies. At the same time, the physical protection of the body is also activated. The pressure rises, the pulse accelerates, muscle clamps and other problems appear - all this negatively affects health, the person becomes nervous, is in constant stress.

A person constantly has a program “Fight or flight” in his head. That is, he lives with his fear, constantly drawing terrible pictures in his mind. He runs away from his "demons" and hides in a cocoon, making them more meaningful. The mental struggle with fears strengthens them, and in especially severe cases can lead to severe phobias, when a person shudders and is in constant stress with small problems.

If you are afraid of water and don’t know how to swim, then imagine how you will drown, what will happen to you, and so on. AT real life such a person bypasses the reservoirs and draws in his imagination a terrible picture from the future, instead of solving the problem - trying to swim in the pool with an instructor, go into the water up to his knees, and so on.

In order to learn how to manage your fears, you need not be afraid of them. It sounds strange, but that's how it actually works.

Let's take another example. Many teenagers are afraid to communicate and get acquainted with girls, because they think that they will look ridiculous and so on. In their thoughts, they paint a picture of failure, fixate on it, and this is what happens in reality. And they need to start acting - to try to communicate and through trial and error to change the situation to the opposite. And this is true for every industry or issue. The classification of fears is shown in the following picture.

How to destroy the reflex and manage fears on your own?

The more often and with greater frequency we encounter a negative factor without reinforcement of the emotional component, the sooner the fear will disappear. It works like this:

You cannot force things, everything must be done gradually.
If you have an accident, then well, you need to drive the next day.
It should take time for you to calm down, after which you should gradually move on - sit down to sit behind the wheel, start the engine in a day, drive around the yard in a week, and so on.
That is, you need to move from the negative component to the positive.

These points hold true for major life upheavals and fear management. But there are situations in which you just need to “scare” your phobias. What does this mean? You need to imagine how long your life will last, and compare the significance of the object of fear with its end.

Are you afraid to change your job to a higher paying one? Scared to meet a girl? I don’t want to go anywhere and talk, what will they think of me? It doesn't matter, because life is not eternal! Therefore, you should always think that we are only temporary guests on Earth, and then the desire to do or try something new will be much stronger than your phobias. So you will learn to manage your fears, become a successful, positive and purposeful person.

Fear is a completely normal phenomenon in human life. He plays the role defense mechanism, which warns us of possible danger. This is how the natural instinct of self-preservation works.

From birth, two fears are already laid in us - a sharp sound and loss of support. Gaining life experience, we are a variety of things. Often our fears us effectively protect.

For example, fearing that money will be stolen in public transport, we hide our wallet more securely, holding the bag in front of us. We are afraid of becoming a victim of a street attack - we try to stay in crowded places, not to walk alone at night.

Such “useful” fears do not interfere with life, on the contrary, they awaken in us reasonable care. But it also happens that being afraid of something, we cease to control ourselves, fall into a panic or a depressed state of mind. These fears can and should be dealt with.

1 Breathing technique

The feeling of sudden fear is familiar to everyone - it occurs in situations where something threatens our safety. Or it seems to us that it threatens. This threat is real or imaginary - the reactions to it are approximately the same: increased heart rate, muscle tension, cold sweat.

The more serious the danger seems to us, the more we think about the bad consequences, the sooner fear develops into panic. And now there is not enough air, the head is spinning, the arms and legs are weakening, and the consciousness is seized by horror. We are afraid that we are about to fall unconscious, or go crazy.

To prevent this from happening, we will take emergency measures to the body.

First of all, you should normalize breathing.

Heroes of Hollywood films in the event of a panic attack breathe into a paper bag - and they do it right, because carbon dioxide, exhaled and inhaled again with air, has a relaxing effect on the brain and blood circulation.

You can do without a bag, just focusing on your breathing.

Inhale deeply from your belly and exhale slowly through your mouth so that the exhalation is at least twice as long as the inhalation. Measured and deep breaths and exhalations will start the process of relaxation in your body.

Continue to breathe correctly, and soon you will notice that the nervous trembling subsides, the heart beats more evenly, the blood rushes to the limbs again.

2 Technique for relieving physical tension

In moments of fear, our body resembles a compressed spring, the muscles are tense to the point of trembling. To remove muscle blocks, try to take a stable position. Concentrate on the most "problem" areas - as a rule, these are the limbs, shoulders and stomach.

Feel how tense they are - and try to tense them even more, to the most possible limit. And then suddenly relax.

At the same time, imagine a speedometer needle or a steam boiler scale - any visual image that clearly measures your efforts. So you strained as much as possible, and the arrow reached highest value. Relaxed - and the arrow went back. Mentally "inspect" your muscles, one by one, as if playing with them in "compression-relaxation".

To balance the level of adrenaline, any physical relaxation is useful. If the situation allows, do a few simple exercises - squats, lunges, swings, run, or at least jump on the spot. Just remember to try to breathe deeply and evenly!

All these methods, in addition to purely physical benefits, will also bring a psychological effect. By switching your attention to your body, you will stop “winding” yourself with negative thoughts. So you will be distracted from fears, and they will recede.

3 Techniques for dealing with phobias

Some fears haunt us and appear even when our security is not objectively threatened. Say, if you are afraid to get into an elevator with a suspicious stranger, this is an understandable caution. But if in principle you are afraid of elevators and avoid riding in them, this is already obsessive fear. Such states are called phobias.

It is useless to suppress obsessive fears in yourself, it is better to directly admit that the problem exists. What to do next is up to you. Most effective method- go to meet your fear, and act “in spite of it”.

So, for example, people suffering from social phobia (fear of society) go to courses in oratory or acting skills, who are afraid of heights - they jump from a "bungee" or with a parachute. There is a known case when a person, terribly afraid of flights, spent several days in the air, transferring from plane to plane. One can only guess what nerves and money it cost him - but in the end he overcame his aerophobia.

If you feel that you still lack the will to take such radical actions, first try to train your mind. Take the aforementioned fear of the elevator. Mentally rehearse the trip in it, imagining it in detail. Imagine that something pleasant is waiting for you at the end of the road. Periodically, form a model of behavior, and consciousness will perceive it as a fait accompli.

Then make a trip on your own - first one floor, then two, and so on. At the end of the “operation”, praise yourself for your efforts, treat yourself to something tasty to consolidate a positive emotion.

Here are ten ways that you can apply if you have anxiety, worry or fear that interferes with a successful and happy life.

Eliminate Uncertainty

This way of dealing with anxiety is based on the fact that we often come up with the sources of our fears where we lack accurate and reliable information. When uncertainty is eliminated, part of the fears, as a rule, dissipates in the same way as it happens when the light is turned on in dark room. Only in the light it turns out that there are no robbers outside the door, no ghosts under the sofa!If there is even a small threat to the well-being of the body, then the fear reaction is automatically turned on, including the whole complex of psychological and physiological changes in the body. Often the answer turns out to be obviously stronger than the potential danger, but nature, creating this instinct, apparently believed that it was better for the body to play it safe than miss the danger signal and die. This applies to fears of flying and other forms of anxiety, in which finding out accurate statistics can significantly reduce anxiety levels.

Compare your fear to another, stronger one

Sometimes circumstances, as they say, "take a person into circulation." Troubles pile on him, and his career, financial situation or relationships with people significant to him are at risk. At such moments it seems that the world is covered with a black veil and the end of the world has come. Gloomy hopelessness compresses the heart, and anxiety seizes the person. But in fact, real fear looks different - much more impressive! Our anxiety and fear will seem small compared to the truly dramatic situations that happen in life. Do not exaggerate your troubles, on the contrary, compare them with real tragedies that are enough around, and you will understand that you are still very lucky! Maybe you should imagine for five minutes such "troubles" as disability, death, prison, fire, epidemic, etc., in order to understand that your worries correspond to the fear of a small child of a small neighbor dog that has a habit of growling at those who she is not afraid of.

Imagine that everything you feared has already happened

A very effective method of dealing with anxiety caused by the expectation of unpleasant, frightening events. Imagine for ten minutes that everything you feared has already happened. Get into your new position. Feel bitterness and despair for a while, and then wash yourself cold water and make a plan of your actions in the new conditions. It turns out that it is quite possible to live like this! Moreover, you will surely feel some relief, as the uncertainty and stress of waiting will disappear. And after that, realize that you invented all these troubles, that they have not yet happened and, perhaps, will not happen at all if you take certain measures. But even if they happen, it will not upset you fatally. Life goes on anyway.

The principle of "full load"

This principle is so clear that it does not need much to decipher. If disturbing thoughts haunt you and deprive you of sleep, start working (especially physically) so that when you come into contact with the bed, you instantly fall asleep. Get a job for a month at some job where you need to work hard physically. Do not leave yourself a minute for anxiety and worry, and after a couple of weeks of such "occupational therapy" you will look at many things differently.

"You are not alone in your fears!"

As painful as it is to hear, your fear is not unique. Thousands, and perhaps even millions of people on Earth experience similar negative emotions. Many of them have already passed this period and are happy with their lives. Many, including you, have yet to experience this. At the same time, millions of people had it even worse, but they passed this test. And you'll be all right.

Act like you're already brave and the fear will decrease!

You can't be anxious and afraid at the same time and still smile and be relaxed. If you're scared, force yourself to smile, exhale slowly, and lower your shoulders. Relax your muscles and remember your favorite joke or something else funny. Smile, smile and your feelings will be forced to adapt to the state of the body.

Live "here" and "now"!

Seventy percent of our fears are related to future events, twenty-five percent to the past, and only five percent to the present. Live here and now, and the number of your fears will decrease twenty-fold. Doubters can take a calculator and check.

Reframing

Reframing literally means "replacement of the frame." Its essence lies in the fact that we look at an event that frightens us from a different angle, in such a way that it ceases to frighten us, but causes other emotions - a feeling of victory, surprise, the joy of overcoming, interest, etc. disappears when we we get the opportunity to control the process and influence it and at the same time still experience positive emotions. This method is used quite successfully in NLP, but requires special skills in application.

Replacing negative emotions with positive ones

As Fritz Riemann wrote, “Human history from past to present consists of attempts to overcome, reduce, overpower or curb. Magic, religion, science are making efforts for this. Devotion to God and love, the study of the laws of nature, the ascetic way of life and philosophical knowledge hardly eliminate fear, but help to endure it and, perhaps, make our development more fruitful. Besides religion, there are other emotional states, which are able to displace fear or prevent its growth. These are feelings of interest, curiosity, humor, pity, anger, etc. (“What a funny spider. And how many paws does he have, you need to count ... Six or eight? I wonder if he has eyes?” Or “Today the boss calls me“ on the carpet. ”Maybe something happened at his house? Interesting "But how does he get along with his wife? Maybe she tyrannizes him, and he, poor guy, gets off on us? And he doesn't look good in recent times, drinks, probably ... Poor, there are constant problems at work, and at home, apparently, there are disagreements, but he tries to seem strict, yells at employees, stamps his feet, how funny ... ")

In any case, you must remember that in addition to your usual strategy for responding to a particular situation (anxiety or fear), you always have many other options in stock, many of which are much more effective. Remember them, try to use them, train, play with them (at home, with friends, neighbors). Get out, finally, from the hackneyed rut of your problems, and you will see that the Universe is a friendly sphere filled with a mass of positive emotions!

Do you think life is possible without this emotion?

I declare with full responsibility that without fear, we as a species did not exist in principle. Fear is one of the 7 basic emotions that performs a preserving function and relies on the instinct of self-preservation.

Another question is when this fear begins to dominate other emotions and prevents you from doing things and generally enjoying life. At this moment, it is no longer you, but your fears that are the full masters of life.

If you look in a medical reference book, you can find about 500 varieties of phobias that are diagnosed as mental disorders. At the heart of all types of fear is the fear of death.

The source of the main fears and fears originates in childhood. At birth, we are simply fearless supermen, albeit with vulnerable bodies and undeveloped brains. As children, we are very vulnerable to influence, our confidence is low, and self-esteem relies on the opinions of older people. The period up to 7 years is the most important for the formation of beliefs with which we will have to live then all our lives. This is where the foundation of fear is laid.

Fear Management

Courage Development Technology

Step #1. Accept your fear. You need to accept the belief that fear is a natural reaction to a new or potentially dangerous action. Say to yourself “Yes, I’m scared now!”. This way you can take your fear under primary control and stop its development.

Step #2. Ask yourself 3 questions:

Why is this fear bad for me?
What good is this fear for me?
What will be my reward if I overcome this fear?

Step #3: Make the decision to overcome your fear. Where there is confidence and determination, fear recedes. You need to firmly decide why you need to overcome your fear.

Step #4. Practice your courage. First, write down on a piece of paper everything that you are afraid of.

Divide these fears into three categories (Strong, Medium, Weak)
Determine from this list which fears are useful and which are harmful to you.
Start by overcoming weak and harmful fears. Useful ones do not need to be touched, we need them for survival.
Every day, face your weak fears. Track this feeling in yourself and take action to overcome it. Even a small promotion is already a victory!
After overcoming fear, thank yourself for this victory.

Over time, as in the gym by increasing the weight of the shells, you will learn to overcome stronger and more harmful fears. As a result of such work, you develop inner courage and a sense of emotional security. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is trust in the world around you in a positive intention towards yourself.

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