What is this crisis and does it really exist?
In fact, a good half of human life consists of crises.
What is a crisis?A crisis is a state of deep dissatisfaction with one or more areas of life, a feeling of a dead end and a lack of understanding of how to get out of this dead end. The crisis is accompanied by a person's desire to do something in order to improve his life, but the question: what exactly to do for this remains unanswered for a long time. A long and often painful search for an answer does not bring positive results. Internally, the state of the crisis is experienced painfully, as the state of "everything is bad", "everything is collapsing", "what is - does not suit" and is accompanied by irritability and internal throwing.
When does a midlife crisis occur in women and what does it consist of?
In the psychological literature you will find a rather vague answer to this question, the essence of which boils down to the fact that after 30 and up to 45 years A woman is going through a midlife crisis.
Other articles on this topic:"The Winter of My Life or How to Survive a Midlife Crisis",
"Not the body of One" (what happens to the body of a woman during a midlife crisis"
In my experience, there are several patterns and causes for midlife crises in women.
1.
If a woman has by 30-35 years personal life is unsettled, if she has not yet given birth to a child, then an inner voice (and often it is also the voices of relatives and friends) begins to sound the alarm:
You already, but you're not yet
- Then it might be too late.
- So you'll be alone
- Everyone has families and children, and you are worse?
- We must have time to jump into the last car ...
Women's "unsettledness", or rather, lack of fulfillment, as a super-important need, begins to devalue everything that a woman has already achieved. In her life, a reassessment of internal values \u200b\u200band priorities begins. If in her youth a girl was aimed at business success, then by the age of 30-35 her goal is to create a family and have children.
However, such a "transition" is not easy due to the woman's male qualities, the lack of ability to adapt to a man and misunderstanding that for the goal set, not so much a "transition" is needed as an internal "coup". And who will voluntarily give up the scepter and orb?
A period of throwing begins: real men have disappeared or been married for a long time, only weaklings remain, with whom to start a family, from whom to give birth to a child, what to do? ..
2.
If a woman has devoted herself to her family, if for years her life has consisted mainly of household chores, caring for children and, of course, about her husband (and it is no coincidence that the husband was at the end of this list), then a midlife crisis creeps up on her when children become independent. and "fly out" from the "nest". Alas, the "nest" is truly devastated if the husband "flies" out of it together with the children.
A woman is left alone with herself, and since she is used to devoting herself to family members, she feels her uselessness, emptiness. The crisis of such a woman lies in the loss of the meaning of life. But instead of directing her efforts to gaining it, she plunges into self-pity, self-blame and depression.
If the husband remains in the same place, then at times it may seem that there is a completely stranger nearby. Topics of family conflicts that were previously hushed up, postponed and not resolved are emerging.
If the accumulated problems have to be solved (this is painful and unpleasant), then unsuccessful “showdowns” can lead to divorce. To avoid dangerous clarifications, a woman (not only a man) can pay attention to the side, to another partner. Men are more likely to go to young girls to prolong their youth, women either do the same or choose a more affluent partner in order to feel social stability.
3.
Another model for the occurrence of a midlife crisis in women is related to the theme of femininity. Changes in appearance, hormonal changes, "women's" diseases, the feeling - "something very important has not been revealed" can become provocateurs of the crisis.
The intuitive understanding that the quality of life could be completely different - filled with love, pleasure, tenderness, softness, malleability, creates the feeling of an unblown flower.
Then the midlife crisis becomes a chance to discover a new femininity in yourself (after all, there was no time to discover it in the daily bustle).
4.
It is generally accepted that for men a midlife crisis is a crisis of their own viability and lack of goals. At modern woman closer to 40 years this topic can also cause a midlife crisis.
Dissatisfaction with one's achievements, overestimation of one's capabilities (after all, many of them have already been missed) create a long-term tense emotional condition. The situation is further aggravated by the fact that after 45 women are reluctant to take on new jobs, considering them unmotivated employees. Wages at this age are lower than those of young people, despite the difference in intelligence and professional experience.
A midlife crisis can make you feel that time is not infinite, and then there is a particularly acute need to realize: “What am I living for? Am I going there? What else do I want to achieve? What is the most important thing in your life now? How you answer these questions will determine the direction of your later life. Someone changes their profession, someone gets divorced, someone gets married, someone gives birth to a child, someone gets a lover, someone learns to draw, sculpt, weave with beads, etc.
To be continued.
Read more: "Not in body alone"
Overtakes a person upon reaching the age threshold of 35 years. The condition is characterized by a protracted nature and lasts up to and including 55 years. Depression is provoked by endless reflections on the worthlessness of one's own life. Scientific theory confirms the fact of a serious problem that requires a mandatory solution. Personal torment leads to a nervous breakdown and the destruction of the family idyll, relatives do not support such behavior. To survive the stages of the crisis, it is important to study the methods of his living in the current situation. The process of rethinking takes place in different ways, but does not bypass either men or women. The main characteristics inherent in a midlife crisis: an oppositional position, a distorted perception of the world, denial and rejection of actions, despite the fact that they were committed consciously some time ago. A personal crisis is determined by a difficult emotional state in general.
Each person has individual characteristics, on which behavior and character depend. Due to the unique emotional background of each organism, the time of the onset of a midlife crisis is determined by specific indicators of a person and differs in a group of people. The earliest moment of the onset of a midlife crisis is 30 years. In some cases, the disorder occurs upon reaching the 50-year age limit. Medical statistics define the age of 30-50 years as average, based on the data of psychologists.
The duration of the midlife crisis is characterized by parameters that determine the individual nature for each individual. It is impossible to speak about all people in general, but there is an average indicator that characterizes the required factor. Personal qualities are of key importance in overcoming the midlife crisis.
People with an optimistic view of life's troubles are much more likely to shorten the inevitable personal crisis stage.
For optimists, a midlife crisis implies the possibility of passing without global emotional losses, lasting only a few months. The gloomy mood of pessimistic people can last for decades, due to the lack of desire to get out of this state voluntarily and quickly. Other moments of a person’s life also play their role: his failures in the past, love for introspection and endless introspection, misunderstanding of past actions, dissatisfaction with one’s own life, powerlessness from the impossibility of changing anything, a failed career, wrong policy towards relatives, awareness of the coming old age .
Help in successfully overcoming experiences should be provided by close people, whose sincere support can significantly shorten the protracted period of a depressive state. In this position, the most useless thing to do is to remain alone and continue to oppress and humiliate your own ego. Continuing an active social life can save the day.
The external symptoms of a midlife crisis depend on the individual characteristics of the human body. The most common phenomena that can determine the presence of a progressive midlife crisis:
The symptoms of a midlife crisis are dangerous, it can completely destroy a person's life.
As a result, there is a loss of friends, loved ones, family and work.
Psychologists identify several main causes of a midlife crisis:
A group of causes can lead to a midlife crisis. Communication ties in the context of “family and friends” suffer the most from this state.
Possible prerequisites for a midlife crisis are a number of factors that are justified by family traditions and personal qualities.
Traditionally, middle-aged family members play the role of a connecting element between elders and children. Depending on the level of personal competence, everyone understands the significance of their role and does not fully realize that the fate of the elders will soon await everyone. The carelessness of the younger generation sows tension in the house and irritates, because an adult can no longer become as cheerful and careless in life. They even visually put themselves in the place of their child, trying to create an ideal picture of life, regretting the lost time.
Another important nuance midlife crisis - children. In the process of living together, caring parents most often live not their lives, but the problems of their children. The period of growing up children scares parents. Sooner or later the child arranges personal life and moves from his father's house, which becomes an indescribable stress for the older generation. It would seem that new horizons are opening up, a lot of free time is being formed, but at this time the strangest paradox is revealed. It turns out that the parents have not taken care of themselves all this time, they have no hobbies and hobbies, and they spend a lot of free time worrying about their loneliness. Psychological problems inevitably overtake.
Parents of a person aged 35-50 often have infirm, elderly parents. The loss of former warm relationships, constant ailments, spending on medicines begin to annoy middle-aged people. They would not like to take care of the elderly at all during this period. The problem is seen in the most negative light: life has turned out unsuccessfully, because such unpleasant events are haunted in the prime of life. The problems of the crisis are significantly exacerbated by other concomitant factors: bad mood, worsening relations with other relatives, depressive mood.
At 35 years old. A feeling of emptiness, an unsuccessful search for new sensations, dissatisfaction with personal intimate life and annoying friends are the main signs of the upcoming crisis period. Instead of noisy parties, a woman chooses sad evenings alone with a pillow and meaningless sobs. At this time, she deliberately avoids communication with other people, moves away from friends, because she does not understand the meaning of their presence in her life. The most overwhelming factor is the lack of a built career and security. Looking back, the woman realizes that she could have done more, but at one time, obviously, there were not enough resources and desire.
Methods to alleviate the condition are banal and simple: you must try to occupy your free time with hobbies and hobbies. It can be sports, origami, yoga, travel, collecting and much more. To begin with, it is recommended to try to build relationships with relatives and close friends, their support is always needed in difficult periods of life.
The loss of former beauty is often the underlying cause of prolonged depression. In order to avoid a bad mood, you need to take it for granted and make every effort to maintain your appearance in decent shape: visit a beautician, fitness, sauna and swimming pool.
There is a different situation, when a woman has built a career all her life and did not care about creating a family, but at the age of 40 comes the realization of loneliness and the need to leave behind offspring. Some women, depending on their character traits, wake up later than others. It’s not too late to think about starting a family, so a midlife crisis is a great opportunity to start new life in which there will be no place to work until the night without days off, but there will be romance and quiet home comfort. The purpose of a woman is to be a wife and mother.
To successfully survive a midlife crisis, a woman needs to stop judging past mistakes and pay attention to reality.
Severe cases require the intervention of specialists. It is recommended to consult a qualified psychologist for advice.
At the age of 40, a man changes his outlook on life, remembering the bitterness of past failures. Occupying an unfortunate position in society, apathy comes - a stupor for the implementation of plans. A failed career for a man is a sore spot.
A crisis state stresses any person: a businessman or a simple office worker. Everyone finds a lot of reasons for depression, the key of which is lost opportunities.
During a midlife crisis, men love philosophical conversations about missed chances in the past. Talking aloud only increases the desire to change the current state of affairs.
Physiological changes in the body oppress an adult man. The body becomes flabby, fat deposits interfere, loads are difficult. To maintain the condition, regular exercise and a positive life position are recommended. Proper nutrition helps in the fight against chronic diseases. Health after 40 requires reverent attention.
Teenage problems accompany men to death. The social role of the outcast, who was not loved by the girls at school, in the future turns into the role of a hero-lover, changing partners at a rapid pace. When an intimate life does not add up due to a state of health, the depressive state is aggravated.
It is important to understand that a crisis is a transitional state through which life is re-evaluated.
This is another chance to change what did not suit before. The main thing is to stay in reality, not indulging in digging in your memory.
A long-term tense emotional state, characterized by depressive symptoms in view of the reassessment of one's personal life experience, is called a midlife crisis. The development of the midlife crisis begins.
As a rule, within 35-55 years, while it manifests itself in constant regret about the irretrievably lost time, missed opportunities, unfulfilled dreams and intentions.
At the same time, a number of different emotional outbursts associated with thoughts of impending old age and death can occur.
Various symptoms, as well as signs of a midlife crisis, play a decisive role in how this condition will externally manifest itself:
All of these manifestations are quite dangerous, as they can unsettle even a completely successful person who, it would seem, has everything necessary in life. At the same time, such a state can completely destroy a strong family, relationships, and career.
The modern American psychologist K. Peck was able to identify the main problems that cause a midlife crisis. Most of them are very relevant to the modern pace of life.
Middle-aged people are, in some way, the link between the younger generation and the old. In most cases, they are charged with most of the social functions that lead to various social conflicts.
Against the background of understanding duties and responsibilities, as well as the lack of the opportunity to live a dream, like their children, or memories, like old people, a person in middle age regrets the opportunities missed earlier and wants to somehow compensate for them.
The first reason for the development of a midlife crisis may be the growing up of their own children. The separation of an adult child from the family is enough stressful situation for parents, although it carries positive aspects. For example, a lot of additional free time is formed, which can be spent on your hobbies and favorite pastime.
The next prerequisite is, as a rule, the relationship of middle-aged people with aging parents. The problem is that time. already freed from children, they redirect to maximum contact with the elderly, which ultimately exacerbates their personal dissatisfaction in life. In addition, the banal pallor of previously attractive friendships can provoke a midlife crisis.
Constant attempts to find some novelty in familiar feelings, high irritability and a tendency to aggression, pronounced dissatisfaction with one's own life and constant emotional outbursts - this is what the female midlife crisis is expressed in.
At the same time, various external symptoms are also noted, manifested in: the pallor of the former feelings for her husband, pronounced mental alienation from her children, feelings of anxiety and constant insecurity, dissatisfaction with changes in appearance, regret about the past years, dissatisfaction with professional activities.
Quite often, the reason is her own reflection in the mirror: a woman is driven to despair by watching how her gray hair appears, wrinkles form, changes appearance generally. It should be noted that the process of external aging in women develops to some extent faster than in men.
In this situation, psychologists advise not to focus on such changes, because they are quite natural. It is worth not living in memories of how you looked before, but taking care of your appearance at the current moment, remembering that even in middle age you can look attractive.
The paradox is that the midlife crisis quite often pushes women to various new achievements in their lives. So many female careerists achieved success precisely in middle age. For this reason, psychologists recommend that women who are infringed by the routine do some personal business, but women “businessmen”, on the contrary, are recommended to start a family.
Middle age in men is a gradual decline in their physical abilities and capabilities. Very often there is a picture when a man of 40 years old suddenly quits a completely successful job, moves away from a large and extensive circle of friends, falls into depression.
The male midlife crisis is a kind of rebellion against all the rules surrounding it. If a man develops this state, then he will in every possible way direct his activities in such a way as to find the answer to the question: "How to find yourself in life." Therefore, for the male in middle age, an exacerbation of all adolescent complexes is characteristic, which are characterized by a capricious “I want” instead of an adult “must”.
Being in search, a man strives to try on as many different social roles and masks as possible, but he does not find a specific life goal. It is important to understand that a midlife crisis is a reassessment of values, a kind of transitional stage that can be dealt with.
As a rule, for this, the banal support of a man from the family and, in particular, his wife is enough. Increased attention from the wife, love and understanding, a joint appreciation of new hobbies and diversity in life - all these are the main methods of dealing with depression in a man in middle age.
The crisis in men in middle age varies quite a lot in time. For some, it goes away within a year, while for others it takes six months. In any case, after this period, the man stops feeling sorry for himself, reconsiders his values in the family, work, relationships. Acquiring emotional harmony, he consciously accepts his life.
PART 1.
The pattern and severity of the stage
“The midlife crisis is canceled!”, “Quit smoking”, “Go on vacation to Africa”, “Don't worry about trifles!” or here, an undoubted masterpiece: “Despite everything, have sex with your wife. It is clear that you do not want to, but you overcome yourself. Gradually get involved ...
I undertook to write this article when I was completely tired of reading all this nonsense about a midlife crisis.
Is it possible to naturally cancel the morning? Birth of a child? New Year's Eve?
Did you manage to satisfy your pre-lunch hunger with a trip to a distant exotic country? And “not to worry” about the aging of their parents?
Sounds weird. It's like confusing the ceiling with breakfast ... But I'm not exaggerating: these are the tips you will see in most open articles about this serious period of life.
Contradiction
“Having passed my earthly life to the middle, I found myself in a gloomy forest…”Dante Alighieri
1. The midlife crisis refers to the normative crises of adulthood, i.e. natural in the life of every person.
2. It can take place as a series of crisis periods with a total duration of up to 10 years,
3. Its consequences are often devastating: it is at this time that the largest number divorces (especially between the ages of 38 and 42), neuroses, professional failures, alcoholism and even suicides. A person is periodically attacked by doubts, disbelief in himself; desire for self-isolation and abandonment of relationships; sexual extremes (promiscuity or difficulty in choosing a partner), doubt about goals, loss of meaning.
Wherein
* Unlike childhood and adolescent crises, it has been studied much less.
* There is practically no serious support in it, except for non-specialized psychological consultations and typical everyday advice (sometimes the first and second coincide). I will give the most common ones: endure, do not give up, do not wait for more (this is in the period from 30 to 45 years old!), Do not overwork at work, spend your vacation more varied.
And all this is offered as a solution to one of the most serious transformational periods in a person's life. But the quality of the entire subsequent (rather big, mind you!) part of life depends on how it is passed. The advice offered is certainly not bad, but superficial. To master all the tasks of this part of life, you need something different.
How to understand that I have it?
“With the number 37, hops fly off me at the moment ...”V. Vysotsky
* Anxiety about the future (fear of losing a job, being left without a livelihood, etc.),
* Awareness of the joylessness of one's existence,
* Feeling that life goes by like a carbon copy: nothing new, nothing interesting
* Neurosis, depression, apathy, dissatisfaction with life,
* Feeling of shaky health (it is during this period that more frequent exacerbations of chronic diseases begin, the first signs of aging appear, and in men - problems with potency),
* Negative reappraisal of marriage. The partner is the one who starts to annoy in the first place. A huge number of life's problems fall on her (him),
* Negative reassessment of the career path. If the life path is chosen incorrectly, then there is a feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself, one's achievements, the need to change everything, to start life anew. But stubborn physiology makes it clear that not everything is on the shoulder. A person begins to worry very acutely that his plans are at odds with reality.
* Doubts about the correctness of the chosen case: what am I doing? From time to time I want to leave everything and go to Honduras, to help the starving population,
* In the absence of a family, friendships - heavy thoughts about one's own solvency. This issue is especially acute for women.
* Spiritual quest, appeal to religion or esotericism. At this age, we begin to wonder why we live? And what happens after death? Are we managing our time right?
* AT " running case"- an irresistible desire to drop everything and rush off in a red Ferrari with an 18-year-old mistress somewhere far away, towards a cherished youthful dream.
AT general view, there are two scenarios of experiencing:
1. “Youth has passed, but I never had time to enjoy it”
2. “I’m already at a serious age, but I haven’t achieved anything”
In both cases, it is not easy to live.
The reasons
“How few roads have been traveled ... how many mistakes have been made”S. Yesenin
The second is related to psychology: average age- a kind of bridge between two generations - no longer young, but not yet old. Here begins a serious reassessment of values, which was discussed above.
The third reason is social. Have all the tasks of society characteristic of this age been decided by a person: career, children, family, respect for others, satisfied ambitions, realized important goals, his own Path, etc.? If not, severe reflection cannot be avoided.
"Death is what happens to others"Joseph Brodsky
It is at this moment that we begin to clearly see what M. Heidegger called "the impossibility of further possibilities." For some, this leads to “awakening experiences”, about which the famous psychotherapist I. Yalom spoke like this: “Confrontation with death provokes fear, but at the same time it can make life much richer,” because understanding the finiteness of life, we strive to make it more complete and bright.
Women's version
For a woman, creativity is pure water and healing food.K.P. estess
The direction of the female crisis may be somewhat different than that of men. For many women in this time is characterized by the desire for creativity, which has a magical variability. Clarissa Estess, the famous researcher of the female soul, writes about it this way: marriage is like a garden, to mine spiritual gold, to find your voice. These are all moments of a creative life.”
Creativity can also be expressed as
1. The desire to find your own Path, to reveal all your extraordinary talents, which, of course, exist, but have not yet been revealed. At this age, women are actively looking for their real self. Even if they have already taken place in any of the professions, they are ready for change. Now that passed difficult period survival, they want to please themselves and others.
2. Desire to look younger. No comment.
3. Desire to give birth. Especially typical for those who were passionate about a career.
4. Desire to make a career. It's about those. Who stayed at home.
Crisis and Family
As I said, at this time the family is under attack. The couple is not easy. Often, in search of new experiences, men leave (now we know that the matter is not so much in the wife, but in himself). But at the same time, according to statistics, they rarely report that they have become happier after a radical break with the family. 95% of them make attempts to return, but not all women are ready to accept them back. In articles on this topic, women, as a rule, are given only two “simple” pieces of advice: patience and wisdom. I don't think that women themselves have not guessed about it. The only question is how to actualize these golden resources in oneself and survive a long period without victims and destruction, and ideally - happily.
Without further ado: if you suspect a midlife crisis in your half - do not waste time, study the topic, delicately show this article to your spouse (s), encourage you to contact " Simple Solutions» (http://e-solovieva.ru) or contact yourself.
The trouble is that many of those who are in the very middle of the whirlpool called "midlife crisis" are completely unaware of it in themselves; they don’t know what it is and how to go through it harmoniously. This makes his life painful for the person himself and his loved ones.
Part 2
How to get through the crisis harmoniously? Simple Solutions
Every crisis has three successive stages: the first is euphoria. We do not yet anticipate future problems and actively like ourselves. We are satisfied with our own reflection in the mirror, and the state of health after a sleepless night is not even drawn to malaise. For those who do not hear the subtle signals of the body, the second stage comes unexpectedly.
This is actually a crisis. Transformation. Which translates into Russian as "new birth". Childbirth is a painful process, but, as you know, productive. It is here that a new understanding of oneself and one's values is born in agony.
At the third stage, adaptation takes place: a person understands: “I am different!” and adapts this understanding to life.
We are not always ready to admit something important to ourselves. We continue to attribute serious manifestations of the crisis to the workload, magnetic storms, character, poor health, etc.
Solution 1If you have signs of it (see Part 1: http://e-solovieva.ru/?p=251) - realize what exactly is happening to you. Don't run from it A midlife crisis is a kind of stop for rethinking life. The highest point of an imaginary parabola. We rolled in there, like a light ball, driven by the energy of youth and froze ... "point of no return." The plateau, beyond which the right wing of the parabola is already visible, is a decline. Here it is so important not to fuss, not to waste energy in vain, to subtly and steadily hear yourself, your aspirations. Understand, feel, feel what is now becoming the most important (as a rule, this is not at all what seemed important in youth).
Solution 2
Conduct a life audit. Recognize your important accomplishments. Set goals for the next 3, 5, 10 years. Find out if they are true. Are yours? Everything in nature develops naturally: spring follows winter, day follows morning. Is it possible to avoid summer or evening (many people are already wondering whether it is possible to avoid the crisis)? I think the answer is obvious. But the question is still different:
How to make an evening unforgettable? How to enjoy all the beauty of summer?
During this period, we are full of strength. Like the sodium-calcium balance in the mouth that ensures our “dental well-being” (remember the ads on TV), there is an essential balance in our life - the balance of ENERGY and WISDOM. When we are young, there is more than enough energy, but there are still obvious difficulties with wisdom. In old age, the scales tilt in her direction, but we do not have enough strength. It is on this phenomenon that the saying “if youth knew, if old age could” is based.
In middle age, this balance is in perfect condition. We can already do a lot and know ourselves and the world quite well.
Solution 3Focus not on how to avoid the crisis, but on how to make the most of it for the full realization of yourself. Stop spinning in the orbit of doubt and reflection. Recognize the importance of the moment. Its shortness (this period seems long only with its negative current J). Act. Much depends on how this stage is passed in the next part of life.
Solution 4Choose VERY IMPORTANT life goals. Possibly the MOST important. Start implementing them. Note: if it seems to you that you have already implemented EVERYTHING possible - return to the solution 2) Remember R. Bach: “Question: Have you fulfilled your mission on earth? Answer: if you are alive - no.
One of the most in business important issues that every organization answers in mid-life is the choice between development and operation: diversify or “keep it up”? Approximately the same question is solved by a person, often unconsciously. We either “calm down” or set new heights.
Solution 5Look for inspiring interests and dreams that you are going to pursue in the second half of your life. Checking whether it is or not is simple: your plans should give you energy. Learning Chinese, learning to snowboard, swimming with whale sharks, buying a house in Italy, traveling around the world, etc. are J.
Solution 6Do not tighten. Visit places you have always wanted to visit. Do what you always wanted to do (even if it's a little scary or unusual). Let your life "Version-2010" surprise and delight you with its fullness, intensity and quality. Of course, the path out of the crisis is easier and more harmonious with a professional assistant: a good coach helps to quickly and easily realize and accept the changes that a person has to face on the path of growth and wisdom, set and realize important goals, and move towards one's own greatness. Of all the possible accompaniments for this period, only psychotherapy is offered. But everyone is ready to take advantage of it because of the prevailing stereotypes. Coaching is more results-focused and therefore more appropriate for people who are used to feeling strong and mentally healthy.
Solution 7Contact the coaching project "Simple Solutions" (http://e-solovieva.ru/), which specializes in solving problems and challenges in a midlife crisis. Couldn't say it straight out ;).
Solution 8
Reassess your age. Dr. Paul Bragg, for example, died at the age of 95, but not from old age, but died prematurely while surfing in a violent storm.
The invaluable result of the crisis is maturity: The mind has matured into wisdom; Ability to contacts - in softness and indulgence; self-awareness - in trust. In a series of transformations, a mature person was born - one who feels responsible for others, knows how to care, is active in society, and is not afraid of intimacy.
In the middle of a life's journey, a person goes through a difficult, turning point, where he has to do serious inner work, rethink life, correct his attitude to the world and himself. Despite the importance of the topic, there are few helpers along the way. There is little information. It is very important to realize this period in time, to find something that will help you live happily.
As Eastern wisdom says: one who is not able to appreciate all the advantages of his age is doomed to experience all his shortcomings.
P.S.: Yes, nuuuu ... Stop it! ”- some will say,“ this is all nonsense, there is no crisis! I hasten to disappoint. Midlife crisis - just one of those " natural phenomena which are absolutely independent of our will. It comes like autumn, like a full moon, no matter what we think about it. How to pass it, for how many years, what results to endure - it's up to you!
P.P.S.: Yes, by the way, quit smoking, go on vacation to Africa and not worry about trifles, against the background of all of the above, J will not hurt at all!
First crisis personality is experiencing transition from youth to maturity (17-22 years). It is most often caused by two factors. Firstly, a person is graduating from a vocational school. He has to look for work, which in itself is not easy in our time, when employers prefer workers with experience. Having got a job, a person must adapt to working conditions and a new team, learn to apply the received theoretical knowledge in practice (it is known that training at a university is mainly theoretical), while a graduate may hear the phrase “Forget everything you were taught and study again in practice. Often, real working conditions do not correspond to the ideas and hopes of a person, in this case, the farther from reality were life plans, the harder the crisis will be experienced.
This crisis often correlated also with the crisis of family relationships. After the first years of marriage, many young people lose their illusions, their romantic mood, dissimilarity of views, conflict of positions and values are revealed, negative emotions are demonstrated more, partners more often resort to speculation on mutual feelings and manipulate each other (“if you love me, then .. ."). The crisis of family relations may be based on aggression in family relations, a rigidly structured perception of a partner and an unwillingness to take into account many other aspects of his personality (especially those that contradict the prevailing opinion about him). Lasting marriages, studies show, are dominated by husbands. But where their power is too great, the stability of the marriage is broken. In strong marriages, compatibility in secondary , and not on the main personal characteristics of the spouses. Marriage compatibility increases with age. It is believed that a good difference between spouses is 3 years, that children born in the first years of marriage strengthen marital relations. In addition, studies show that men feel happy in marriages where the spouse is 94% similar in physical and personal characteristics, temperament, etc. to their own mother. For women, these correlations are smaller, since women's influence in the family is usually stronger than men's.
Very often at this time role intrapersonal conflicts are noted: for example, a young father is torn between the role of a father and family man and the role of a professional, career specialist, or a young woman must combine the role of wife, mother and professional. Role conflicts of this type in youth are practically inevitable, since it is impossible for a person to strictly distinguish between self-realization in different types of activity and different forms of social activity in the space and time of his life. Building personal role priorities and hierarchies of values is the way to resolve this crisis, associated with the rethinking of one's own "I" (with an attitude from a child to an adult).
Second crisis often referred to as a crisis 30 years or regulatory crisis. In those cases when the objective conditions of life do not make it possible to reach the necessary "cultural heights", often interpreted as "another (interesting, clean, new) life" (material insecurity, low social and cultural level of parents, everyday drunkenness, family psychopathization and etc.), a young person is looking for any, even brutal, way to escape from the "inorganic" environment, since age itself implies the knowledge of the existence of various life-affirming opportunities - "to make life yourself", according to one's own scenario. Often the desire to change, to become different, to acquire a new quality is expressed in a sharp change in lifestyle, moving, changing jobs, etc., usually perceived as a crisis of youth.
By the way, in the Middle Ages - the time of apprentices, when craft guilds existed, young people had the opportunity to move from master to master in order to learn and learn something new every time in new life circumstances. Modern professional life provides few opportunities for this, therefore, in emergency cases, a person is forced to “scrap” everything that has been achieved and “start life from the beginning (from scratch)”.
In addition, for many, this crisis coincides with the teenage crisis of their older children, which exacerbates the severity of his experience (“I laid down my life for you”, “I sacrificed my youth for you”, “ best years given to you and the children").
Because this crisis is associated with a rethinking of values and life priorities, it can be quite difficult for people with a narrow focus of the course of life (for example, a woman after graduating from an educational institution only plays the role of a housewife; or, on the contrary, she is absorbed in building a career and realizes the unrealized maternal instinct).
Most adults get 40 years old stability in life and self-confidence. But at the same time, this seemingly reliable and planned adult world is creeping third crisis of maturity- doubt associated with the assessment of the life path traveled, with an understanding of stabilization, the "made" life, experiences of the lack of expectations of novelty and freshness, the spontaneity of life and the possibility of changing something in it (so characteristic of childhood and adolescence), experiencing the brevity of life for the implementation of everything desired, the need to abandon clearly unattainable goals.
Adulthood, despite its seeming stability, is just as contradictory period like the others. An adult experiences both a sense of stability and confusion about whether he really understood and realized the true purpose of his life. This contradiction becomes especially acute in the case of negative assessments given by the person of his previous life, and the need to develop a new life strategy. Adulthood gives a person the opportunity (again and again) to “make life” at his own discretion, to turn it in the direction that a person considers expedient.
At the same time, she overcomes the experience that life has not been realized in everything as it was dreamed of in previous ages, and creates a philosophical attitude and the possibility of tolerance for miscalculations and life failures, accepting one's life as it develops. If youth largely lives by orientation to the future, anticipation real life, which will begin as soon as ... (children grow up, I graduate from an institute, I defend a dissertation, I get an apartment, I pay off debts for a car, I reach such and such a position, etc.), then adulthood sets goals to a greater extent, relating to the present personality, its self-realization, its bestowal here and now. That is why many, entering the middle of adulthood, strive to start life anew, to find new ways and means of self-actualization.
It is noted that adults who, for some reason, do not succeed in their profession or feel inadequate in professional roles, by all means try to avoid productive professional work, but at the same time avoid admitting themselves to be incompetent in it. They demonstrate either "going sick" (excessive, unreasonable concern about one's health, usually accompanied by the belief of others that, compared to maintaining health, "everything else is unimportant") or the "green vine phenomenon" (announcement that work is not the main thing in life, and a person goes into the sphere of non-professional interests - caring for the family and children, building a summer house, repairing an apartment, hobbies, etc.), or going into social or political activities (“now is not the time to pore over books .. .", "Now every person as a patriot must..."). People who realize themselves in their profession are much less interested in such compensatory forms of activity.
If the developmental situation is unfavorable, there is a regression to an obsessive need for pseudo-closeness: an excessive focus on oneself appears, leading to inertia and stagnation, personal devastation. It would seem that, objectively, a person is full of energy, occupies a strong social position, has a profession, etc., but personally does not feel fulfilled, needed, and his life is filled with meaning. In this case, as E. Erickson writes, a person considers himself as his own and only child (and if there is physical or psychological distress, then they contribute to this). If conditions favor such a tendency, then physical and psychological disability of the individual occurs, prepared by all previous stages, if the balance of forces in their course was in favor of an unsuccessful choice. The desire to care for others, creativity, the desire to create (create) things in which a part of the unique individuality is invested help to overcome the resulting self-absorption and personal impoverishment.
It should be noted that the experience of a crisis is influenced by a person's habit of consciously organizing his life. By the age of 40, signs of aging accumulate in a person, the biological self-regulation of the body worsens.
Fourth Crisis experienced by a person in connection with retirement ( 55-60 years old). There are two types of attitude towards retirement:
Some people see retirement as a release from boring unnecessary responsibilities, when you can finally devote time to yourself and your family. In this case, retirement is eagerly awaited.
Other people experience a “resignation shock” accompanied by passivity, withdrawal from others, a feeling of being unclaimed, a loss of self-respect. The objective reasons for such an attitude are: distance from the reference group, loss of an important social role, worsening financial situation, separation of children. The subjective reasons are the unwillingness to restructure one's life, the inability to fill time with something other than work, the stereotypical perception of old age as the end of life, the lack of active overcoming difficulties in the life strategy.
But it should be noted that for both the first personality type and the second, retirement means the need to restructure one's own life, which creates certain difficulties. In addition, the crisis is aggravated by biological menopause, deterioration in health, and the appearance of age-related somatic changes.
Researchers of this period of life especially note the age of about 56 years, when people who are on the verge of aging experience the feeling that it is possible and necessary to overcome difficult times once again, to try, if necessary, to change something in their own lives. Most aging people experience this crisis as last chance realize in life what they considered the meaning or purpose of their life, although some, starting from this age, begin to simply “serve out” the time of life until death, “wait in the wings”, believing that age does not give a chance to seriously change something in fate. The choice of this or that strategy depends on personal qualities and the assessments that a person gives to his own life.
Conclusions:
The boundaries of adulthood are considered 18-22 (beginning of professional activity) - 55-60 (retirement) years with its division into periods: early maturity (youth) (18-22 - 30 years), middle maturity (adulthood) (30 - 40 -45 years) and late maturity (adulthood) (40-45 - 55-60 years).
In early adulthood, an individual life style and the desire to organize one's life are formed, including the search for a life partner, the acquisition of housing, the development of a profession and the beginning of a professional life, the desire for recognition in reference groups and for close friendships with other people.
The areas that have the greatest impact on personal development and self-satisfaction in middle adulthood are professional activities and family life.
Late maturity is associated with body aging - physiological changes that occur at all levels of the body.
In maturity, a person experiences a series of crises: during the transition to early maturity (17-22 years), at 30 years old, at 40 years old and at retirement (55-60 years old).
